The Rats Tale

Below is the second in the series of Country Critter stories written by CM Sellars...He is a friend of mine that lives on a mountain in New Zealand...
I guess I should say they are his copywrite and all that jazz....I would link to his webpage but he doesnt have one yet...that I know of.
Vee

The Rats Tale

The other day, when I was repapering the nest and I saw all those words written on the paper I thought to myself, “I wouldn’t mind having a go at this writing lark”. When I stopped for a breather and read some of the news articles it was pretty obvious that things generally were going to the Dogs. Made me glad to be a Rat. Although I admit dogs aren’t as bad as cats or humans they can still be pretty nasty, bite you as soon as look at you they will and if you’re a rodent like me, that can be serious. Well I got to thinking if dogs can do it, it should be a cinch for a crafty old Rat like me. Especially as I’ve been chewing through plenty of the classics lately. ( Tolstoy was palatable, the Bible proved that even rats don’t live on bread alone, but I’m afraid Kafka left a bitter after taste).
Us rats are pretty clever you know and my family’s well traveled. I’ve got cousins all over the world, in fact my uncle works in a cancer research laboratory in the U.S. A real cushy number, free accomodation, food and forty fags a day. Some rats have all the luck.
I prefer the simple life myself; the missus and me have lived most of our lives in the bush. It’s a great life, but sometimes you get a bit sick of the cold and damp and the moreporks can be a worry for any rodent spending nights outdoors. So when I heard there was a spot going up at the house; vacant recess in the ceiling, heating provided in the winter, always dry and as many dog biscuits as you can carry off without being caught. I jumped at the chance. But everything has its drawbacks. Firstly, there’s the Dog, not much of a problem really. Any rat with half a brain and a bit of experience can outsmart a Dog. Then there’s the man, he’s a damn nuisance, you’ve got to be on your guard the whole time.
Once he set one of those plastic traps, baited with cheese and bacon. I couldn’t resist, snap! It got me. Now you don’t spend most of your life in the bush without developing a few muscles and I was pretty angry. I pulled myself out of that trap before anyone had a chance to find me. Gave me a sore back for a week, but as they say, ‘what don’t kill you makes you stronger’, and smarter too. His next trick was an old gin trap he found in the shed. After taking off the rust then filing the mechanism to a hair trigger response. He set it on my pathway to the dog biscuits. Ha, what does he think I am, stupid? I had great fun setting that old trap off without getting caught then hiding to watch him come and check the sprung but empty trap muttering ‘bloody Rat’. All the while I’d be safe and sound up in the ceiling. Honestly I fair pissed myself. Really, you can still see the stain.
I reckon I’ve got him trained now though. Lately he’s been leaving food out for me, a sort of green barley, lovely stuff, even nicer than the soap in the bathroom. I’ve been eating it for a few days now and he keeps topping up the pile. I suppose it’s a peace offering on his part. So it looks like I got the last laugh eh?
Anyway I’d better let you go, I think a wee lie down is in order. I’m not feeling at all well today, bit of a guts ache. And I should take the chance while I’ve got it, you see the missus is in the family way, again!


Submitted by Rattus Rattus.